Why it's time to stop saying the c-word when talking about suicide

When my fiancé, Olivier, died by suicide, the grief was indescribable. But what I hadn’t expected was the additional weight of the words people used to describe his death. Again and again, I heard the phrase: “He committed suicide.”

Each time, it felt like a punch to the stomach – as if his death was not only a tragedy, but also somehow a crime.

That’s the problem with the “c-word”. The word commit is tied to criminal acts: commit murder, commit fraud, commit arson. Until 1961, suicide was treated as a crime in this country. More than 60 years later, the law has changed, but our language hasn’t. And for everyone left behind after a suicide, the consequences of that outdated language are very real.

Words wound

Every time someone says “committed suicide”, it reinforces shame and stigma. It suggests that the person we loved did something wrong, something punishable, something to be hushed up. When you’re already carrying the unbearable pain of losing someone to suicide, hearing their death described in the language of crime adds a further layer of guilt and anger.

At Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SoBS), the charity I now lead, we hear this every day from the people we support. Many families tell us they dread conversations about their loved one’s death, because the words people use make it even harder to talk openly. For some people, it stops them speaking about it altogether. Silence then grows, and with it comes the isolation that we were founded to break through.

Read more:

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• Therapists shouldn’t all be white and middle class. We need more from marginalised backgrounds

But it doesn’t have to be this way. By choosing words like “died by suicide” or “took their own life”, we can remove that sense of blame. These phrases don’t erase the pain, but they acknowledge the truth with compassion and respect. And sometimes, small changes in language can make a very big difference.

Some people argue this is “just semantics”. But language is never just words. It shapes how we think, how we treat others, and how we treat ourselves.

Research shows that one in five people in the UK, around 12 million of us, have been affected by suicide loss. That’s not a niche issue; it’s a public health challenge. Each suicide is estimated to impact at least 135 people, meaning entire communities are affected.

The words we use ripple outward. They determine whether people feel able to talk, or whether they are silenced by shame.

This is why SoBS has launched a campaign urging Oxford and Cambridge University Press to remove the phrase “committed suicide” from their printed dictionaries. Their online versions have already moved away from this harmful wording, but the printed editions, including school dictionaries, still tell millions of people that suicide is something to be committed. Esteemed sources like these set the tone for classrooms, newsrooms, TV dramas and institutions. We need them to lead the way by choosing compassionate, accurate language.

Stigma around suicide kills; compassion saves lives

There’s another reason this matters so deeply. Stigma doesn’t just affect the people left behind. It also affects people who are struggling with suicidal thoughts. If the only words available to describe suicide are ones of crime and shame, how likely are they to reach out for help?

Compassionate language, on the other hand, creates safety. It makes it possible to start the conversations that can save lives. In our workplaces, in our families, and in our communities, the words we choose send a message: either that suicide is something unspeakable, or that it’s something we can talk about with honesty and care.

I often think back to the early days after Olivier’s death. So many friends and colleagues just avoided the subject entirely, worried about saying the wrong thing. Others used phrases that hurt without realising. What I needed most was simply to feel that people could speak about him and that his life and his death were not taboo. When someone used the words “died by suicide”, it gave me space to talk about him without feeling judged.

Changing the narrative on suicide

This year’s World Suicide Prevention Day was all about changing the narrative around suicide. And language is at the heart of that change. It’s not about censorship, it’s about compassion. It’s about recognising that the words we use can either deepen wounds or help them heal.

We’re asking dictionaries, schools, media outlets and all of us in daily life to stop using the “c-word”. Instead, say:

• Died by suicide
• Lost their life to suicide
• Took their own life

None of these phrases make the loss any easier. But they strip away the suggestion of crime and blame, leaving space for empathy and honesty.

Words shape lives

Olivier’s death will always be part of my story. And I will always wish the words around it carried less stigma, less accusation and more compassion.

For those bereaved by suicide, language matters. For those struggling with suicidal thoughts, language matters. For all of us, language matters.

It’s time to change the narrative. It’s time to stop saying “committed suicide”.

Because words shape lives. And the right words can save them.

Josie Jakub is CEO of Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide.

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