Tinsel Town review: Kiefer Sutherland in a panto? Oh no, he isn't, oh yes he is

It has been 24 years since Kiefer Sutherland first barked orders into a flip phone in 24, the headlong war-on-terror TV drama that elevated raspy CTU agent Jack Bauer into the all-time action-hero pantheon alongside James Bond and Jason Bourne.

But while Bauer had many notable qualities – tenacity, ruthlessness, a remarkably strong bladder – you would never expect to find GSOH on his (presumably heavily redacted) CV. Dealing with intensifying terror threats against a constantly ticking countdown clock left precious little time for Jack to crack jokes.

But if you’ve ever seen Sutherland interviewed, or been to one of his rollicking gigs where he croons outlaw country songs and tells self-deprecating life stories, you know that the former hellraiser can actually be extremely funny. So it is not totally out of character to see him headlining Tinsel Town, a knowingly cheesy, family-friendly Christmas comedy that pokes fun at his Jack Bauer persona and mollycoddled actors in general. 

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Sutherland plays Bradley Mac, a veteran Hollywood action star on cruise control – his signature franchise is called Killing Time, a pretty decent gag – who is happy to growl the occasional one-liner but is long past the stage of doing his own stunts. His dwindling work ethic and rampant egotism means Brad’s career is stalling: what better way to rehabilitate his image and reboot his acting bona fides than doing a classy play on the English stage? His long-suffering agent (a prickly cameo from Katherine Ryan) has just the job.

One bleary transatlantic flight later and Brad finds himself in the sleepy village of Stoneford where he has been booked to play Buttons in the local pantomime. The contract is cast-iron – he’s going to this ball whether he likes it or not – but seeing the stranded A-lister bluster as he desperately tries to wriggle out of the role is all part of the fun. The local theatre troupe (including Meera Syal as the show’s luvvie director and Rebel Wilson as the straight-talking choreographer) are fairly evenly split between being starstruck and deeply sceptical.

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If Brad had been idly dreaming of performing the Bard, he gets a bawdy crash course in panto and its importance to UK culture. He is made to understand how a successful Christmas show pays for the theatre for the rest of the year, and that the buxom dames (a cackling double-act from Asim Chaudhry and Jason Manford) cracking jokes about him being over the hill is a key part of the experience. 

An extended stay in Stoneford will also give Brad a chance to reconnect with Emma (Matilda Firth), the young English daughter from a previous relationship that he has long neglected. The fact that this three-time Razzie nominee is still affluent enough to buy a big round in the pub also helps raise his standing in the community. 

As opening night looms, the plot is scattershot in a way that you could charitably put down to evoking the chaotic spirit of panto itself. There’s a song-and-dance number, a courtroom showdown and an impromptu road trip. If the above-the-title star did not fully commit it could be a painful experience indeed, but the 58-year-old throws himself into every absurd situation and escalation.

He shares some surprisingly moving scenes with the masterful Derek Jacobi, here essentially playing the ghost of panto past as a wistful ex-dame turned theatre doorman. But Sutherland also gets to enjoy being the anti-Jack Bauer as he ineffectually wrestles Danny Dyer’s local wide boy in a hotel car park.

Your enjoyment will hinge on how much you relish seeing the grizzled Sutherland playing so enthusiastically against type. The tight focus on his vain, self-pitying star means that the rest of the sprawling and very talented ensemble never seems to have all that much to do except roll their eyes or grudgingly help him. 

But at a time when feelgood but forgettable Christmas movies are being produced on an almost industrial scale, there are just enough flashes of quirk and English eccentricity to give Tinsel Town an edge, even if the film is ultimately just a big gooey festive marshmallow. 

Tinsel Town is on Sky Cinema from 5 December

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