Jamie Laing: 'If I played Roger Federer in a tennis match, I'd probably win a game'

Jamie Laing was born in Oxford in November 1998. In 2011 he joined the cast of Made in Chelsea, and has since appeared on Strictly Come Dancing, Celebrity Hunted, Celebrity Great British Bake Off and Famous and Fighting Crime, as well as hosting the Private Parts podcast.

He founded vegan confectionery brand Candy Kittens in 2012. He is married to fellow Made in Chelsea star Sophie Habboo, and they recently welcomed their first child, a son, Ziggy.

In his Letter to My Younger Self, Jamie Laing recalls his teenage love for easy listening, his struggles with anxiety and sporting chutzpah.

I was confused about a lot of things when I was 16, like a lot of teenagers. I was concerned and confused about the future. And I was insecure and confused about myself – what clothes do I wear, what music do I listen to, what party should I be going to, what crowd should I be in. So in my private life, I was listening to Blue and Michael Bublé, but when I was around friends, I would listen to Red Hot Chili Peppers or Sum 41. Looking back, I was trying desperately to be like everyone else but also trying to figure out who I was. 

My parents divorced when I was eight and that’s when I went to boarding school. I found boarding very hard. I was a sensitive kid and didn’t want to be away from my parents. I just felt homesick the whole time. By 16, I was at an amazing school called Radley, which had cricket fields, rugby fields, hockey pitches, swimming pools. To be able to use them whenever we wanted was incredibly unique but I didn’t feel grateful at the time. It was just there. Looking back, I’m like, how amazing was that?  

I didn’t like school much. I was so ADHD that I couldn’t focus my energy and concentrate. I found it really tricky and felt like a failure. I was dyslexic without realising and thought I was a bad student, which I probably was. My escape was playing sport. Being good at sport, you automatically gain popularity – otherwise it would have been a disaster.  

I loved very hard as a teenager. So I would tell my younger self not to be so intense. What you’re feeling, you don’t need to put on the other person. I was so deeply in love at 16 and I wanted the other person to be so in love too. I needed them to match my emotions. But less is more. I wanted to get married but she ultimately broke up with me because it was all too intense. I was heartbroken. I remember trying to find the knife because the wound hurt so much. I was like, where is this pain coming from? I was so heartbroken at 16, I thought I was never gonna find anyone. I thought my life was over. I wish I could tell my younger self it’s all going to be OK. I think the best advice is, if you find someone you love and they love you back and they’re a kind person, stick with them. If you can see yourself having 10,000 dinners with that person, they’re the right person.  

In terms of privilege, it was one million per cent there. But in terms of being handed actual cash by my family, that didn’t happen. What I had was the safety net and privilege of growing up in a family that didn’t have to worry about food. We went on nice holidays, I went to a private school. But I also had the pressure of wanting to try to afford that for myself. As you get older, you realise how expensive everything is. The fact I went into confectionery [his great, great grandfather made a fortune inventing the digestive biscuit for McVities] was just a coincidence. But that entrepreneurial spirit I got from my dad and my grandfather, that’s what I inherited. 

I really suffered with anxiety without knowing what anxiety was. And I suffered with insecurity without talking about it. So my book [Boys Don’t Cry] is like a message to my younger self and all younger people. It’s about being open and honest and vulnerable and seeking help. Because I was not open and vulnerable ever. I hid it the whole time. Then you live in silent torture. I just wish I’d known about that great saying, ‘this too shall pass’. Because when we’re in that headspace, we don’t think we’re going to get through it and that leads to awful things. When I was young, I thought it was going to be like that forever. And to be in a place where you think this is for eternity is not fun. 

I was obsessed with popularity as a kid. I had two older sisters who had posters of Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt on their walls and I remember thinking, if I became famous, I would be popular and maybe my poster would be on people’s walls. The idea that being famous would be fun, which led me to doing a reality show, came from wanting to be popular.  

When I was offered Made in Chelsea, I also had a job offer on the table. I remember going to bed that night and knowing my future with the job opportunity. I knew where I’d end up, what I would be doing next week and every week after that. I thought, this cannot be life. So I took Made in Chelsea because I didn’t know what would happen. It was such a risk.  

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I drank a lot and would have done that and lost my 20s anyway. But the fact I had a job on Made in Chelsea that allowed me and almost encouraged me to do that was quite useful. My 20s was all about figuring out who I was. I had a lot of fun when I was younger and I don’t regret any of it. Have fun and be cheeky, just go for it. 

Be kind, be useful and say yes to things. I realised people love working around people who are excited to be there. They love it, right? So, if you are grateful, useful, upbeat and happy to be there – which I was anyway – things will go your way. It meant I networked hard without realising it, because I loved making friends and meeting people. And every opportunity I had, I would talk to a director or cameraman or runner or producer.  

If I could say to my 16-year-old self that you end up as your own boss, he would be over the moon. Are you kidding me? I can’t even put into words how grateful I am because I truly think I would be in a disastrous place otherwise. My two dreams as a kid were to have a world made of sweets and host my own chat show. So I set up my company Candy Kittens, and with my podcast, Great Company, I’m kind of living my chat show dream. I used to put teddy bears in a row and pretend I was the host. I loved Jonathan Ross and Graham Norton, then by the time I did Made in Chelsea, I was saying I wanted to be the next Jimmy Fallon. Everyone used to laugh at me. 

I’m about to have a kid [his son, Ziggy, was born in early December]. I have businesses to run. The responsibility I have now is mad. So part of me wants to tell my younger self, you are free. You can do anything. And I was lucky – I know some people have huge responsibilities at 16 or 17. But I didn’t have, so I wish I could say, just enjoy being free. 

I don’t mind people seeing my life. Perhaps when I have a kid that will change, but I filmed everything as a kid. I was always happy to show everything, so I was already ready for the social media age. I never worried what people thought of me, I never had an ego or cared about being embarrassed. And if you are like that, you’re going to be quite good at reality TV and letting the public into your life.  

Doing Strictly Come Dancing taught me resilience. You are basically given a new language every week, a new dance, and start off knowing nothing. So on Monday and Tuesday, you think, I’m never going to get it. On Wednesday, you think this is never going to happen. But by Thursday you realise, maybe something is here. It shows that if you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything. It’s easy sitting on your arse and not trying something. But if you pick the harder option, you can do it, and it feels great. 

I’m incredibly entrepreneurial – which is a good job because I’m almost unemployable. So I’d say to my younger self, be patient. I was so worried about future. Like a lot of young kids, this question of how I was going to earn money was always on my mind. So one thing I would whisper in his ear is that you can do it yourself if you want. I would tell him, don’t worry, you will land on your feet.  

I’ve always had this weird blind confidence when it comes to sport. I think if I played Roger Federer in a tennis match, I’d probably win a game off him. That’s generally how I think. So when it came to the run [in March, Jamie Laing ran five ultra marathons in five days for Comic Relief, raising £2 million], I had that same attitude. I’ve done cross country, I could run when I was a kid, so I can definitely do it. That blind confidence was incredibly useful. But it was also extremely naive, because the pain was unbearable. But I learned pain is temporary and resilience is everything.  

My run also made me fall back in love with the world. When you look at the news or at politics, you think the world’s a bit shit. But the number of people that sent me messages or saw me on the street and hugged me made me realise I had probably disconnected a lot from the world because of social media. Don’t just sit online, don’t just FaceTime, go and connect in real life.  

I would love one last conversation with my grandfather. He was called Robin, my dad’s dad. He lived abroad, was probably a spy, and did all these amazing things. I wish I knew what I know now so I could have had a proper conversation with him. One of my big things is speak to your parents, ask questions, find out everything. 

If I could relive one day… there are two, actually. When I played my first rugby match for the first team at school and scored a try, that was an amazing day. And when I was traveling in South America when I was 19 – I sat looking out over Iguaza Falls, between Brazil and Argentina. I was looking around, realising that God existed because the world looked so beautiful. I was surrounded by friends and had just accepted a place at Leeds university so the future was set, my past and school was behind me, and in the present, I was in this beautiful limbo of freedom.  

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