Marie Kondo: 'I didn't think much about the opposite sex – I was completely absorbed in tidying'

Marie Kondo is a tidying expert, star of the Netflix series Tidying Up with Marie Kondo and bestselling author. Marie began her tidying consultant business as a 19-year-old university student in Tokyo. Her philosophy helps people around the world to transform their cluttered homes into spaces of serenity and inspiration. In 2015 she was named one of Time magazine’s 100 most influential people in the world.

Speaking to Big Issue for her Letter to My Younger Self, Marie Kondo remembers her childhood love of tidying, the influence of her family and considers how parenthood has changed her.

When I was 16, I was right in the middle of my tidying research. Every day after school, I would go around tidying the entire house. I was constantly thinking about things like “How can I maintain a tidy state?”, “What should I keep and what should I let go of?”, and “Which room or drawer should I tidy today?” I would tell my younger self, it’s a wonderful thing to be able to dive deeply into what you love – keep following that passion. I still believe that to this day.

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I first became interested in tidying when I was five years old. I used to read my mother’s homemaking magazines and was captivated by the beauty of the well-organised rooms and the clever storage ideas featured in them. I would try to imitate them by rearranging my belongings and attempting to tidy various areas around the house. Though I loved tidying, I wasn’t very good at it. No matter how many times I tidied, things would always fall back into disorder – it was a hurdle I couldn’t seem to overcome.

I was a happy teenager. At school, I was the quiet, unassuming type. I was never the popular one in class, but I wasn’t gloomy either, so I was never bullied or anything like that. I attended an all-girls school in Tokyo, and both my classmates and the overall atmosphere were calm and peaceful.

My relationship with my family was good. I have an older brother and a younger sister. We got along well, though not in an especially close or intimate way. Each of us had our own interests, and while we respected one another’s passions, we didn’t interfere much. I think our relationship was one of mutual independence. We went on family trips from time to time, and it was completely normal for us to have dinner together every evening. Looking back now, I feel truly grateful – I think I was a very fortunate teenager.

I believe my passion for tidying was influenced by my mother. When I was little, I once asked her, “Why do you always seem so happy doing housework?” She replied, “Housework is a wonderful job. By cooking meals and keeping the house in order, I help your father work hard and enable you kids to go to school healthy and happy. I’m truly contributing to society.” Her words were one of the reasons I came to view organising and maintaining the home as a valuable and meaningful act, and I believe they helped lay the foundation for the values I hold today.

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A turning point came when I was 15 years old. At that time, I firmly believed that tidying was all about finding things to discard. However, I started to realise that this approach left me feeling unfulfilled. By focusing on what to discard, I was concentrating on the negative aspects of my belongings. Over time, this accumulated stress became overwhelming – so much so that I once fainted while tidying my room. That experience taught me something important: tidying isn’t about choosing what to discard, but about choosing what to keep. The items you keep should be the ones you truly love, that you can cherish, and that bring you happiness. That was when I realised – I should keep what sparks joy.

In other words, the foundation of the KonMari Method was formed when I was still a high school student. Of course, as I grew into adulthood and began working as a tidying consultant, I refined the method through a wide range of experiences. And that’s how the KonMari Method gradually took shape, honed through years of trial and error from tidying countless spaces.

Since I went to an all-girls school, I didn’t really have to think much about the opposite sex in my daily life. And I think that was actually a really good thing for me. At the time, I was completely absorbed in tidying, so I could fully focus on it, study for school, and go about my days peacefully and normally. As for advice for early romantic feelings, I would say: just follow what sparks joy for you.

My dream was to make my first book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, a bestseller. I wanted to write a great book that could help as many people as possible finish tidying and live a life that sparks joy. I feel incredibly grateful and happy that I was able to achieve that goal [her 2010 book sold more than 14 million copies and was translated into 44 languages].

As for how I succeeded – it was about clearly expressing the value of what I was doing and communicating it with conviction. So, I attended seminars to learn how to craft a message that would truly resonate. I put what I learned into practice and shaped it into my work. I also kept working to strengthen my own conviction – continually refining and putting into words why I wanted to spread tidying to the world, and what kind of value it really holds. The more I did that, the stronger my belief became, and the more confident I became.

I think my younger self would be completely surprised by what she would achieve.
If you had told 16-year-old me that I would become known for tidying, I probably would’ve thought, ‘Really? Can someone actually become famous for this?’ And the idea that I would eventually be recognised around the world? That’s something I never imagined. I wouldn’t even be able to believe it.

I believe the basic principles of tidying can be applied to life as well. At its core, tidying is about cherishing what is truly important to you. That’s why, whether it’s in relationships or work, letting go of what no longer serves you and focusing on what truly matters can lead to a richer, more fulfilling life. Of course, in reality, it’s not always possible to let go of everything that doesn’t spark joy – especially when it comes to work or relationships. That’s why it’s important to find the right balance and make practical decisions.

One thing that has changed is that I’m now often asked not just about tidying, but also about my own life and my roots in Japan. I’ve found myself in a position where I’m sharing aspects of Japanese culture more and more. As I wrote in my new book Letter from Japan, Japanese culture plays a significant role in the foundation of the KonMari Method. In recent years, I’ve come to recognise that even more clearly myself. I feel truly grateful that through the KonMari Method, more people have become interested in Japanese culture—and that I now have the opportunity to share the beauty of Japanese values and traditions with others.

If I could give my younger self one piece of advice to prepare for the future, it would be this: Take a bit more time to go deeper into Japanese cultural practices – like tea ceremony or calligraphy – that were part of daily life and school growing up. That knowledge will definitely come in handy later on.

What I’ve learned after becoming a mother is that it’s OK to let go of the need to be perfect – especially the need to keep everything perfectly tidy. There was a period when this really frustrated me. I took a step back to reflect on what truly matters most. I came to the conclusion that, right now, the most important thing is the time I spend with my children – and cherishing those moments.

If I could have one last conversation with anybody, it would be my paternal grandmother. She lived in Miyazaki Prefecture. Her home was always neat, tasteful, and beautifully organised – even the insides of her drawers were impeccably arranged. I remember her saying, “It’s the places you can’t see that matter most.” She taught me that tidying those hidden spaces can help bring order to your heart as well. That was a truly valuable lesson. Unfortunately, my grandmother passed away before I became active as a tidying consultant, so she never got to see the person I’ve become. Most of all, I’d want to say thank you to her.

I’m truly happy with my current everyday life, spending time with my children. But if I had to choose a time to relive, I think it would be the days right after I became an independent tidying consultant, when I was constantly giving tidying lessons. There were days when I conducted up to three five-hour tidying sessions in a single day. I would go from house to house, helping clients tidy up. I was surrounded by so many belongings and I got to witness real, visible changes as my clients transformed before my eyes. Looking back, I realise those were some of the purest and happiest days – my origin as a tidying professional.

Letter from Japan by Marie Kondo (LEAP, £16.99) is out now. You can buy it from the Big Issue shop on bookshop.org, which helps to support Big Issue and independent bookshops.

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