Comedian, TV presenter and filmmaker Simon Amstell has spoken exclusively with The Big Issue about his quest for fame and acceptance in a Letter To My Younger Self.
On his new film Benjamin, TV comedy series Grandma’s House, and most of his stand-up to date, he said: “I think everything I have ever done has been an attempt to reach a hand out to my teenage self and tell him he is ok. As a teenager, I found a lot of courage through people on the television being funny or subversive. I felt that in the television there was safety, there was a place where you could be entirely yourself and be celebrated rather than put in prison.
I understood my younger self. A kind of healing happens.
“Whether I am doing stand-up or writing a film, it is trying to figure out what is or was wrong with me,” he continued. “I wrote my new film Benjamin to figure out what happened in my 20s. When I finished, it felt like I had shot my 20s out of me and I understood my younger self. A kind of healing happens.”
He also spoke openly and frankly about his teenage angst over his sexuality. Amstell, 39, said: “I had to lie about who I was between the ages of 13 and 21. Or I felt I did. Because I liked boys. I felt very alone, I didn’t think it was possible to like boys without ruining my entire life.
“I went to Paris on my own when I was 18 to kiss somebody and see if I really did like boys. It is a romantic notion, but didn’t feel like that at the time. It felt like the desperate act of a terrified child. Only recently did I think about how brave that teenager was. But he achieved his mission.”
