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Can Christmas TV really comfort us after 2020?

Many of us will be staying at home over Christmas, so have programmers made an effort to put something decent on the box?

So this is Christmas, and what have we done?

Well, mostly I’ve watched the Snoop Dogg Just Eat advert on a loop while wearing larger-lady leggings, but it still feels like a rather eventful year all the same.

And as it’s not all over just yet, the question must be asked – can Christmas TV in 2020 really comfort us? Or will it be chilling dystopian background noise, like the sound of Frosty the Snowman coming through the pipes of the air conditioning system at Nakatomi Plaza?

Chances are we’ll all be too drunk to care, which is a good job really, as the Christmas schedules are jam-packed with repeats, football and old kids’ films that everyone on earth has a dusty DVD of in a carrier bag under the bed.

For some reason, the powers that be at the BBC have chosen to round off one of the most challenging years in history by showing back-to-back Kung Fu Panda movies, Cars 3 and Grease.

Put it this way, you can save money on the Christmas Radio Times this year by reusing the one you had any time between 1978 and 2010.

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Of course, there are the usual Christmas specials, filmed in an empty studio in August, and a few terrible new ideas in the mix, like A Socially Distanced Evening With Michael McIntyre’s Butler or Alex Zane’s 100 Greatest Zoom Fails.

But the only other thing made in recent memory is EastEnders, nestling like a saveloy in a plate of reheated telly mash, and only made possible by the fact that shouting across Albert Square and burning down the Queen Vic for the 34th time doesn’t break any social distancing rules.

Oh yes, and there’s the Gavin and Stacey Christmas Special to look forward to, if you like watching millionaires self-consciously returning to their roots. However, I fear that this year, the answer to “What’s occurin’?” will probably be “absolutely fucking nothing”.

But what did we expect? This is 2020, the year our toast fell butter side down and as we went to pick it up we were hit repeatedly by an anvil.

We probably won’t even be able to get into the supermarket to stock up on cheese balls and vodka, and all the family’s Christmas presents will be replaced by a festive stack of Hermes ‘While you were out’ cards you found stuffed into a bush.

But before everyone gives up entirely and stares at their phones instead, maybe they should give all these repeats a little update to reflect the changing times we live in.

Del Boy could fall through the bar into an abyss, perhaps. Or the entire cast of Mrs Brown’s Boys could be furloughed until 2030. Well, it is Christmas, after all. We need ‘something’ to cheer us up.

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