Advertisement
CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: HALF PRICE Big Issue magazine subscription
SUBSCRIBE
Opinion

Paul McNamee: Seize the special times for the sake of those who can’t

"To have to stare at that abyss of grief Nick Cave and his family now face is almost unimaginable"

A few years ago X Factor finalist Chico had a moment in the sun. Due to his TV popularity, he managed to fashion a career touring venues across Britain, singing roughly but driving big crowd interaction due to his ‘It’s Chico time!’ chant. One of his moments of fame came during a turn in the Aladdin panto in Brighton. And in that audience one night, some eight years ago, Nick Cave was spotted waving a giant foam hand and having a high old time with his kids.

I thought about that last week and felt very, very sad. It was the first thing that crossed my mind when I heard that one of Nick Cave’s sons had died in a terrible fall. Because that boy would have been the son who was with Cave at that moment of merry abandon at the panto.

The grief of losing a child is something none of us ever want to have to endure

Like many people, I listen a lot to Nick Cave’s music. He is a towering talent. He has soundtracked many light and dark moments in my life. Over time he has crafted a cool, dark, dangerous air. But beneath the well-tailored suits, he is a father. And a father who did what many of us must do – and do with joy. Forget entirely whatever pretence of ego we carry, and make sure our kids are happy.

To have to stare at that abyss of grief Nick Cave and his family now face is almost unimaginable. But parents will recognise it as the fear of the worst thing realised. The grief of losing a child is something none of us ever want to have to endure. We want them to outlive us, after we’ve had a good run and got whatever we can get together to help them get ready for life.

I felt similar sadness last week when I read of the death of Jamal Ottun, a London teenager who drowned during a sporting trip to Canada. He left his family to have a great time with his pals and didn’t return. A terrible, terrible thing.

The space between wishing to keep our kids completely out of harm’s way and needing to let them find their own way grows as they do. It’s one of the things we’re not warned about when they arrive.

Advertisement
Advertisement

But let them go everybody must. It is part of life.

Without sounding trite, we must enjoy the moments we have. Things change, moments pass, time gallops.

This coming week I’m going to try to find whatever will be my own giant foam hand and wave it with abandon. It’s a grand thing to be able to do that.

If you have any comments please email me at paul.mcnamee@bigissue.com, tweet @pauldmcnamee, or send a letter to The Big Issue, 43 Bath Street, Glasgow, G2 1HW

Advertisement

Buy a Big Issue Vendor Support Kit

This Christmas, give a Big Issue vendor the tools to keep themselves warm, dry, fed, earning and progressing.

Recommended for you

View all
'A library is a safe and happy place': The unparalleled joy of a mobile library
Robin Ince

'A library is a safe and happy place': The unparalleled joy of a mobile library

It will take modern thinking to solve the age-old problem of rough sleeping
John Bird

It will take modern thinking to solve the age-old problem of rough sleeping

Political censorship in theatre has gone too far – especially on Palestinian art. Here's why
Performer Issam Al Ghussain is part of Cutting The Tightrope. Image: Ali Wright
Cressida Brown

Political censorship in theatre has gone too far – especially on Palestinian art. Here's why

I thought being a man meant being tough and strong. But real strength comes from asking for help
Dan Guiness

I thought being a man meant being tough and strong. But real strength comes from asking for help

Most Popular

Read All
Renters pay their landlords' buy-to-let mortgages, so they should get a share of the profits
Renters: A mortgage lender's window advertising buy-to-let products
1.

Renters pay their landlords' buy-to-let mortgages, so they should get a share of the profits

Exclusive: Disabled people are 'set up to fail' by the DWP in target-driven disability benefits system, whistleblowers reveal
Pound coins on a piece of paper with disability living allowancve
2.

Exclusive: Disabled people are 'set up to fail' by the DWP in target-driven disability benefits system, whistleblowers reveal

Cost of living payment 2024: Where to get help now the scheme is over
next dwp cost of living payment 2023
3.

Cost of living payment 2024: Where to get help now the scheme is over

Strike dates 2023: From train drivers to NHS doctors, here are the dates to know
4.

Strike dates 2023: From train drivers to NHS doctors, here are the dates to know