Meet Holly, who's spending her first Christmas outside hospital in years: 'Things do get better'

This Christmas, Holly will be somewhere she hasn’t been for a long time: outside of the hospital, surrounded by people she loves.

The 31-year-old from Hampshire, who has lived in supported accommodation since May, will spend Christmas Day with a close friend before heading to her sister’s house on Boxing Day, where she’ll see her nieces and nephews, her mum and her stepdad. The simple plan marks a huge milestone.

Living with borderline personality disorder and autism, Holly has spent much of her life moving in and out of inpatient mental health care since her mid-teens. This Christmas, for the first time in years, she is building new traditions outside the hospital.

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“For a long time, Christmas came with a lot of restrictions,” Holly explains. “Not being able to have certain items, not being with family – it does come with sadness.”

That sadness was often balanced by small comforts, she adds. During her years as an inpatient at St Andrew’s Healthcare, Holly remembers the sense of closeness that developed among patients who spent long periods together.

“You become very close with the people around you,” she says. “We’d watch films, open presents together. Everyone supported one another.”

Now, Holly is building a life of her own. Sitting in her bedroom, softly lit behind her with fairy lights and dotted with her collection of Jellycat soft toys, she explains that creating a calming, sensory-friendly space is important to her. As an autistic person, she finds comfort in familiar textures and gentle lighting.

“It helps me feel settled,” she nods.

Supported accommodation has given Holly something she hadn’t had in years: freedom. She can go out for a walk in the morning, meet someone for coffee, or stay in and watch films in the evening – all with support available when she needs it.

“There’s staff there 24/7,” she explains. “They help with day-to-day things, appointments, cooking – whatever support you need.”

Crucially, her time as an inpatient gave Holly tools she now relies on, especially during emotionally charged periods like Christmas. She talks openly about learning self-soothing techniques and the importance of voicing how she feels rather than keeping things inside.

“It brings the emotion down to a more reasonable level,” she explains. “I’m still feeling it, but I’m able to function.”

A major part of that learning came through Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), which Holly credits with helping her manage intense emotions and stay grounded. The talk therapy is adapted from CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and can help people manage intense emotions and reduce self-destructive behaviours. Through weekly one-to-one sessions and group work, she learned skills around distress tolerance, emotional regulation, communication and mindfulness.

“Mindfulness brings me back to the present moment,” she says. “I find that really helpful.”

Looking ahead, Holly is focused on what comes next. She hopes to move out of supported accommodation when she’s ready, return to work as a nanny, and complete a Level 3 childcare qualification through distance learning.

“I’m aiming for next year,” she says. “Doing it online means I can work at my own pace.”

Asked what she would like future Christmases to look like, she takes a second to think. It’s clear just the thought of so many changes this coming holiday means a lot to her.

“I would like to be in my own place… so out of supported living. I would like to spend Christmas with my friend again, or with my sister and her children. And I would like to be back working.”

Reflecting on her journey, Holly says the moment she’s most proud of this year is being discharged from St Andrew’s.

“I felt really proud of myself,” she says. “I felt ready.”

She’s also clear about what she wants people to understand about inpatient mental health care.

“People can be too quick to judge,” she pauses. “There are stereotypes. But there are also a lot of people who are supportive – and awareness is better now than it used to be.”

Asking what message she’d share with her younger self, if she could talk to teenage Holly, she replies: “Things do get better. And they will.”

This Christmas, she’s living proof.

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