Culture

Dave Spikey won’t be on his bike just yet

In our Summer Comedy Special, the biggest comedy legends of old share their favourite gags and funny stories

Why do we like to be by the seaside? Apart from the sun (occasionally) and donkey-strewn sand, it is the ‘end-of-the-pier’ stand-ups who stand out. These staples of summer seasons still populate the nation’s collective memory so we thought we’d bring together some of the greats for our Summer Comedy Special.

Dave Spikey was talent-spotted by Larry Grayson with a routine involving juggling on a motorbike. Co-writing Phoenix Nights with Peter Kay, he helped restore the reputation of good old-fashioned entertainment…

My earliest joke as a kid: Two snowmen in a field and one said to the other, “Can you smell carrots?”

My first big laugh on stage: I opened with: My grandad died last week; he was 93 so a good age. He just sat in the chair, closed his eyes, went to sleep and never woke up again and I think that’s lovely. Mind you, the dentist shit himself.

My go-to gag: I was doing some DIY at home but I was short of a few things so I thought that I’d pick them up on my way to a gig in Wigan that night. I pulled into the kerb, wound my window down and asked an old bloke walking by, “Excuse me, is there a B&Q in Wigan?” He looked at me: “No, it’s W…I…G…A…N.”

A joke from a comedy hero: My grandma was my comedy hero; she was like Thora Hird on acid. She once told my sister, “I’d rather go to bed with a hot water bottle than a man. Unless it leaks, in which case there’s not much in it.” My favourite of many occurred when I took her out on a day trip and as soon as we got to the seaside she needed the loo. Luckily there were some newly installed pay toilets in the car park. Ten minutes later she comes out with a posh lady who announces to everyone in sight, “I think it’s a disgrace that you have to pay 20p to use the toilet,” and my gran, without breaking stride, says, “Oh, you can’t put a price on a good shit.”

My most recent joke: I’m obsessed with small stories in local newspapers. One in the Hartlepool Mail – ‘Police Board Ship to Arrest Drunken Sailor’. Cleveland police had boarded a ship to arrest a sailor who was drunk and disorderly at 3am. And I thought, yes that’s all well and good but – what are they going to do with a drunken sailor? You know, that early in the morning?

What do members of the public say to you most? Every single time I’m in Asda someone will say, “Dave. Any idea where the black bin bags are?”

Dave Spikey is on tour with Juggling on a Motorbike. For more information, visit: davespikey.co.uk

In our Summer Comedy Special some of the biggest comedy legends share their favourite gags and funny stories with us.

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