It’s only been 2024 for about five minutes and we’ve had a 16-year-old darts champion who doesn’t look a day over 46, Barry Keoghan doing unspeakable things to plugholes, and Diane from The Traitors, who is now a gay icon from the top of her voluminous gingery head right down to the bottom of her Karrimor gilet.
I’m exhausted already. I think I was expecting what marketing types like to call a ‘soft launch’ this year. Maybe a few weeks of de-escalation from the high-pitched horrors of 2023? A few cups of herbal tea, perhaps, and some nice cosy episodes of Winterwatch?
(Or maybe not. I just googled Winterwatch and was met with the screaming headline ‘OUTRAGE OVER DEAD DEER FOOTAGE.’ Viewers are up in arms, with one saying: “Trying to eat my dinner and a rotting dead deer carcass is shown on Winterwatch being eaten by a greedy fox. Lovely bit of viewing to turn me off my tea.”)
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Yes, it looks like along with its friends 2020-23, 2024 is going to be another unpredictable year filled with WTF energy that may possibly put us off our food. So we may as well embrace it. And what better way to do that than to join *checks I’m not hallucinating* Michelle Keegan as an ex-military helicopter instructor in Fool Me Once.
It seems that Stockport’s finest has landed herself a Hollywood action hero job in this splashy adaptation of Harlan Coben’s bestselling airport thriller, and it’s so preposterous that I can’t really describe it.