Kelly Macdonald: 'We went to militant demonstrations. I still know all my anti-poll tax songs'

Kelly Macdonald was born and raised in Glasgow. She discovered a love of acting through local theatrical groups and, aged 19, secured her breakthrough role – as Diane in Danny Boyle’s classic Trainspotting – through an open-casting audition. High-profile roles in Gosford Park (2001), No Country For Old Men (2007), Boardwalk Empire (2010) and Line Of Duty (2021) followed, among many more.

In her Letter to My Younger Self, Macdonald looks back at early cultural interests, her political past and some notable acting roles.

I was always a bit of a TV addict. I didn’t grow up very culturally aware as far as theatre was concerned, and we didn’t go to the cinema very often. So it was TV for us. We would schedule our evenings – me and my mum would sit and work out when we were going to switch channels.

I was very into pop music. Top of the Pops was something I had to watch. And on Saturday morning I’d watch The Chart Show. I was obsessed. I really remember Sinéad O’Connor doing Nothing Compares 2 U a couple of years before I was 16. It was just so mesmerising. 

I always had a feeling that acting was going to be the thing for me. But I only started properly thinking about how I could make that happen at 16. I was doing my Highers and was only really interested in English and art. I learned chunks of the play Juno and the Paycock by Seán O’Casey, which we were studying. I would record myself doing it. I was also the only teenager at an evening drama course that was advertised in the local paper. It was all adults and retired people. I used to get so nervous, but I would be buzzing afterwards. We did an end of course play for friends and family, which was quite embarrassing. I think it was a Greek play I didn’t even understand.

I was in the Young Socialists. My mum was a mature student and got involved with politics when I was young. So we went to lots of militant demonstrations. I still know all my anti-poll tax songs. There was a big political gathering in Liverpool one time and we all slept on the floor in a sports hall. It was all “Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, out, out, out.” I wouldn’t say I’m overly political now. But that doesn’t leave you.

I was very shy, quite insecure, but when I look back, I just think how brave I was. We didn’t have money to fall back on. I knew if I got into financial issues nobody was able to help me. So I was amazingly independent. I had a Saturday job at 16 as a waitress in a cafe. I would spend some of the money on silly disposable clothes from a shop called Razzle Dazzle, but I also started buying myself a kettle and cutlery – it was just a no-brainer, I knew I was going to leave and I’d need these things. So I was quite intrepid. 

Where I lived in Newton Mearns, people didn’t really leave. When you left school you got a job in the shopping centre. If you were really doing well, you got a job in Boots the Chemist. I’d started to make little forays into Glasgow and remember bumping into one of the wee ladies that knew me from the scheme at a bus stop. She asked where I was going, and when I said, “into town”, she looked at me completely baffled and said, “Why?” But even at 16, I was thinking, well, I don’t intend to stop at Glasgow. And I didn’t. I moved away from home when I was 17 and down to London soon after Trainspotting. I grew up watching American films and wanted to go there. But I never imagined I’d end up living in New York for a few years. I don’t know where it came from. I just always knew and my mum knew as well. These days people talk about manifesting, and I think it was a version of that. 

I was living in a high rise in the Gorbals that’s not there any more and working in a pub when Trainspotting happened. I had applied for an application form to go to drama school in Glasgow around the time of the open casting. I don’t know if it ever arrived. But 18 turned out to be pretty momentous for me. 

I was so shy, I think Ewan McGregor thought that I was mute when we were filming Trainspotting. I was completely hiding behind my script during the audition process, he said he didn’t even know what I looked like. So I would just like to give my younger self a little boost, ask her to walk a little bit taller. The publicity campaign was unlike anything I’d seen before. It was exciting. But I feel so lucky. It was a different time, media wise. It’s so exposing now and I wouldn’t have coped very well with that. I don’t cope brilliantly with it now. 

Read more:

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For a number of years, I worried because I hadn’t been to drama school. I thought I didn’t have the right training. But every job I learn a bit more. And the jobs do keep coming. So this is it now. I’ve worked long and I’ve worked quite hard to get to where I am now and I’m really grateful for that. But I didn’t know anything on my first job. Even basic stuff like standing on a mark. But I was lucky to have Danny Boyle as director and Ewan as a scene partner. 

I’ve learned I can say no to things. That’s what I’d like to tell my younger self about. But it’s hard, because you’re just so grateful. In the ’90s, it was a very different era, there was that whole lads and ladettes culture and there were photo shoots where you’re put in strange positions. The ability to say no is very simple, but it’s very helpful.

I didn’t really audition for Robert Altman for Gosford Park. I went to a hotel suite, and he was on the phone the whole time, and he was talking to me and whoever was on the other end of the phone at the same time. Then I got a phone call from him to say, “come play with us”. And that’s a big lesson. Because it can be very serious at work, but for the most part it’s playing. 

There were periods where I’d be cracking the jigsaws out and thinking, right, what am I going to do? There were some financially tricky periods. It’s not like I get paid amazingly well. Even the films I do with great directors. But it’s enough to keep going. So I would have periods where I would start to worry, and then something would come up and it would be fine for a while. Then the jigsaw would come out again. But then something like the Coen brothers happened.

I always wanted to play an American. When I was a kid, I was always messing about with accents. It was my little party piece. So it was exciting for me to do No Country for Old Men. It was unbelievable. Even to meet the Coen brothers was a surprise and lucky, just like seeing the flyer for the Trainspotting audition. I was in New York for a friend’s wedding and then my agent said it would be a good idea to meet with a casting director, who said, “Would you mind coming to meet the Coen brothers? I’ll give you a scene to read.” So everybody else was involved in the wedding and I was locking myself in a hotel bathroom learning a scene.

I would tell my younger self to trust your gut when it comes to love. Boundaries are very important. It took me a long time to have strong boundaries. 

It would be entertaining if I told me at 16 that I was going to be a Disney princess in Brave. Because I never used to pretend to be a princess. I wasn’t one of those little girls. I would watch Calamity Jane over and over. So filming Lanterns was thrilling, because I feel I was playing a version of Calamity Jane! I’ve played a lot of police, but never a sheriff. So I’m in a DC world full of superheroes, but the ones I was with weren’t in their superhero outfits. But I felt like a superhero with my sheriff’s badge and my massive cowboy hat and boots. 

I was obsessed with Wonder Woman as a kid. I would cry at the end of the episode because I had to wait a week to watch the next one. And I’d dress as her in my welly boots and my swimming costume. So to be part of the DC Universe is so funny. I’m not an actual superhero, but I get to play in that world. I’m adjacent. Always in a car with superheroes. 

Boardwalk Empire was great training. It was first time I’d been involved in an ongoing series where you never knew what was going to happen next. Steve Buscemi is such a good human. And a very helpful person to know if you ever want to reach out to anybody. He knows everybody, he’s worked with them all. 

I know where I come from. Ego’s not an issue with me – in fact, I have to try to believe myself a little bit more. But I’m very much a product of my upbringing, good and bad, you know? I wouldn’t change anything. I feel very proud of the girl that went for that first audition. And I’ve made this life. I’m in a place that I’m so happy with. I’ve got my family around me, I can look after everyone, and it feels as though I have done it myself. So that is something to be proud of.

Lanterns is on HBO Max

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